Big White Room

“Justin! It’s so… soft, comfortable, almost like a plushie… but I can’t touch it. Why can’t I? Oh… they tied me up; said I was crazy. I’m not crazy… right? They made me put on this cute jacket backwards. It’s hot pink, with black bunnies. Then they told me to close my eyes and fold my arms. They said that we were going to play a game but they had to tie something on me. Well… I was angry with them because they called me crazy, but then I forgot when they said that we are going to play a game. Next thing you knew, my arms were hurting. They tied it, along with my jacket to my back. Then they said that we were going to play a game; Hide and Seek. They said I was it. They told me to count to twenty. And I did. When I opened my eyes, they were gone. Justin! They left me alone!”

She burst into tears.

“They tricked me! Abandoned me! They left me alone here… all bored. It’s a good thing I have you, Justin.”

She tried to get up but couldn’t.

“Justin, help me! Please!”

She begged and begged but Justin couldn’t do anything. After all, he was a figure of her imagination.

Meet Justin, Maria’s imaginary friend. His appearance is undefined.

Meet Maria, the ‘crazy’ girl who’s had an imaginary friend since the age of five. They’ve (Maria and Justin) been ‘best friends’ for 20 years and counting… which would mean that Maria is 25 years old.

As a kid, Maria’s parents never paid much attention to her. That’s where Justin came from. Justin was the only person who ‘listened’ to her when she broke her arm at the age of five, when she had her first real best friend, her first crush, her first boyfriend, her first break up, her first everything. All these things her parents never knew about… until that day she blew up at her parents.

And ended up where she was now.

Such an unfortunate event to happen to dear Maria.

“Justin! Help me. Don’t tell me you’re on their side!” Maria shouted.

Then, there was silence… for about five minutes…

“You traitor! I thought you said you would always be there for me?”

A lie, because Justin had never said a word to her; it was all one-sided conversations.

Day and night, for a week, Maria would talk and talk and talk. And the doctors and specialists would just watch her. She refused to eat after the second week.

No matter what was done, they couldn’t get Maria to eat at all. This went on for about three days before they put her on fluids and tied her down to a bed, of course knocking her out first. After a couple days they took her off from the fluids. This cycle went on for a couple months where a couple days she would be on the fluids and the other days off until that one day.

Maria waited for them to take her off the fluids, and for the monthly injection. They usually did the injections when everyone was asleep. After months of observation, Maria knew exactly when they would come to give her the injection. In preparation for that night, Maria made sure to take a nap earlier in the day, telling the doctors that she felt exhausted.

The time of the injection was to take place at midnight, and her previous nap ensured that she remained awake. Unfortunately, the specialists found it suspicious that she’d want to sleep during the day when she’d never done it before, so they made sure to send backup. Maria thought that her plan was fool proof, but she was proven wrong when the bulky security guard barged into the room at the first sign of struggle.

Their attempts were soon becoming futile. One minute the nurse was giving Maria her injection. The next second Maria rolled off the bed and onto the floor, effectively pushing in the syringe further. To make things worse, she tried to break her fall, which only succeeded in somewhat forcing a hole through her elbow and causing the syringe to pierce her chest; more specifically, her heart.

Attempts were made to get a hold of any family members but they proved useless. There was nothing else to be done. Meanwhile, Maria’s body was wrapped and sent to the morgue. A quick burial would take place.

The sad things about it all, is that Maria had no friends. She had no one to whom she was close to. Therefore, Maria’s death had no impact on anyone at all. She was alone from young, and will forever be alone.


Day 3

The sad thing about it all
Is that my mother doesn’t know
Much about my personal life
Unless I tell her
To her, I’m the quiet, smart daughter
Whom she trusts
But the truth it
There’s so much turmoil in my life
She doesn’t know about my depression
My emotionally unstable state
The fact that it’s not in my nature to be bossed at
(I.e. I don’t like people trying to rule my life)
But she doesn’t overstep that boundary when it comes to my social life
I’m okay with that
I get to make my own decisions
I have that freedom
But I don’t abuse it
So what if I don’t go to parties?
What if I don’t like to dance?
What if I’m only fun when I know you like a best friend
It’s who I am
Don’t try to change me
But I guess things happen for a reason.
That’s life for you.

Day 4 and 5

It was bearable
I didn’t thinking about it
I didn’t stress
Nor feel guilty
I also found about the funeral on Wednesday
And service on Monday
It’s agreed I’ll go to school
Mom will take me out of school
I’ll attend the funeral and go back to school after
I don’t know what would happen from there
God, my trust is in You
You alone are my Guidance, my Shining Star
I leave it all up to you.

I survived
With hope, I guess
I didn’t cry
I didn’t think about it
Today was just neutral
I don’t know what my reaction
This afternoon
This service may either leave me unaffected or break me
And I guess I’m okay with it

Day 2

At night, when I lay down to sleep
When I close my eyes
All I think about is him
And I feel guilty
Even though I had no idea
I tried to forget
But I never can
And I need that memento
That one thing to constantly remind me of him
So I won’t forget
All the things he’s done for me
And my family
Even though that one thing I want
Is something I have already,
And having two makes me seem greedy
To me it’s like keeping a piece of him
I’m going to have speaking soon
I can’t keep this all bottled in
Else i’ll explode like a bottle of soda
Shaken up, placed on the floor
And opened up with a quick jerk of someone’s foot
And all my guts will come squirting
Secrets will be revealed
And I may break.

Day 1

To you my best friend who’s gone now

You and I were one and the same
And so different as well
But I get it was what brought us together
And to confide within ourselves
And share our concern, troubles
And our victories
But now you’re gone
I’m here alone
And feeling a little lost
I haven’t cried
Or screamed
Of lashed out at anyone
Because it’s a concept hard to grasp
Even if it was inevitable
I knew your time was coming soon
You were reaching that age
Where your health suddenly decays
And there’d be no more you
I adamantly refused to believe your death
Even though I’ve heard about it so much times
But I guess…
Well I don’t guess
I know I’ll have to cope
With my losses from losing you
I’ll miss you like my favourite uncle.
Gone too soon.

That Crazy Girl

That crazy girl always complaining,
Crazy hair no explaining,
She wants to cry but just not there,
Instead she laughs whenever we’re near.

To hide her sadness and her pain,
She smiles and laughs, all to her gain,
All so she won’t be interrogated,
And when she is doomed to be fated.

So she acts as though nothing in wrong,
And cries her pain when everyone is gone,
Her tears spill over and down her cheeks,
Because she’s been holding it in for weeks.

That unbearable pain, forced to be bearable,
Like an eight year old when there’s no cable,
Bawling out loud in her little room,
Feeling sad like an abandoned groom.

Left on the altar by the love of his life,
By the only person he wanted as his wife,
And your just there, sitting and crying,
All because your heart is broken. Now you’re dying.

Dying inside because you’re ignored by the one,
The one with whom you’d have had a son,
And both of you would’ve lived together,
And like a fairy tale, live happily ever after.

Life and Death: Your Choice

Sometimes I wonder if you (are) were really there for me.
You were there all my life… until (you) they had to choose.
Will you choose the outgoing radiance, who’s (willing) giving in everything it does.
Or, will you choose the black, mysterious, but somewhat comforting too?
Anyways, I already know the answer to that…. You (love) choose
(That) radiance…
(Which) Who could never compare to me.
After all, all I (will be) am is (was) ice.
Black ice.
Forever cold.
Unmoving .
And that bright (?)radiance can’t help but be drawn (bound) to you because of that magnetic pull.
That pull towards you,
Towards that gray sphere
When that happens is when I truly die
Which will be sooner than you think.(?)
And then you’ll regret choosing me,
Because you went for the radiance,
And killed me in the process.

I’m sure you would have noticed the bold, italics and underline, right? To understand it, first you read the words in italics and underline, and then insert imaginary “or” and then read the words in bold.